Uncertain

I wondered why was I given this life. I am grateful for this life. Well, I have been in hell hole and shit ass life for maybe a few months but I guess it is alright. It is okay when your boyfriend calls you stupid because I agree with him. 

I am pretty stupid for allowing people to have a chance to make use of me. And when I do things for myself, people found me selfish and self-center. I can't please everyone. I am not perfect. 

I think I can not avoided being hurt. It is always haunting me. My life huh. Well, things will get better right? People said things will be better after a storm. I guess it is true right?

Right now, all I left with is hope. 

Counting down the days.

I couldn't sleep last night. Mainly because my heart was too excited for a trip that I long await with someone I love. But we quarreled last night and my heart was trembled the whole time. I couldn't sleep. 

I dreamt that we quarreled on our trip and we had a bad one. Why do I feel that way? Is it because we have been quarreling almost every single day and it never stops. It will follow us in the future? Really hate quarreling. It has taken me to an extent that I can't even sleep and my heart is trembling. It is that serious. 

I pray really hard that we won't quarrel during our trip or before the trip because I know you will quarrel with me. I guess I should not act like I know everything. I should be humble and pretend that I don't. If you scold me, I keep quiet. If you are angry, I will look away and stay quiet. If you quarrel, I will not fight back and keep it within.

Because you need a girl like that.

What is that feeling they call?

Posting a million photos of us means that you love me. But you following hundreds of girls, what does that mean? What is all these?

It hurts. I have no words.

I guess this is it. I no longer know the word : Love. I will live my life under the word : Obey. I guess maybe this life, I won't be able to feel love.

It was never easy

Being in this journey with you was not easy and will not be because our lives is always filled with excitement and sorrow.

 I don't hate it or love it but I want to be in it. I guess because that is what you do for someone you love. I do want to be in his life no matter what. That is something about being together. We share our memories together. And I want to be part of his memory forever.

 Because he is my last.