A start I say.


Top : New Look
Pants : H&M
Boots : Bought from England
Bag : U.TOPI

I was never good at posing in front of camera. I guess I never had a chance to explore what type of expressions I should make & knowing my angles. At least, I tried. Doing a lookbook for U.TOPI collection so I tried to play around on the photography ideas! 

It is tough when you do everything on your own : from the design of bags to buying materials to taking pictures & sending parcels out with the addition of a hectic full-time job! I had to self-time & rush in front of the camera & try to strike a few poses out of 5 shots. Fun but yet, messy because I had to adjust my hair and clothes within 8 seconds ( deduct from the 2 seconds of running in front of the camera ) 

Sometime, I asked myself do I want this life? The adrenaline rush, the mixture of so many compounds in my life. I love it but yet, I dislike it. Well, a system can never be perfect so will your life. Life has its ups & downs. Right now, this down seems like a motivation to me. 

I want to do more of this. It is quite fun & I can look at how I work my ideas & display of the bags I made. Wish I have more rest days! Too bad that I work 5 & half days in a week. It is just crazy! I only have 1 & half day to do what I want. Really stinks.


Questions over Questions

:

To think. To be able to breathe again.

Questions over questions. Asking myself again & again : Why? I remember when I was in England, I would be in my uncle's bathroom for quite some time. The bathroom is amazing. Small but yet cozy. I sat in the bathtub, thinking about answers to all my uncertainties. I cried as I thought about it because I found myself at a position that was neutral. I was neither right nor wrong. However, why did I deserve this? Until now, people reprimanded me for the way I am. The way I was born. 

No one ever thank me for the way I am or appreciate me for the way I am. Everyone just see the negative side of me. I never know what's wrong. I tried to change for the better but no one sees it. The people around me see that I am a girl who is just going to stay the way she is; stubborn & ignorant. 

Singers coming out with songs like : Born this way - Lady Gaga, Who You Are - Jessie J etc. Songs on loving the way you are. I asked myself why do I let people stomp my pride over? Is it because I did not love myself enough for people to show the slightest respect to me? 

Could that be the reason? 

Will there be a solution to solve this problem? And if there is, someone show me the way?