There isn't a guidebook that teaches you to be better than who you are now. Yes, self-help books are everywhere. I won't say it doesn't benefit a person but honestly, at the end of the day, it is YOU that can help yourself to get through your daily life shits. YOU are the only one that can tell yourself how to be a better person than who you are now. 

The only reason that is blocking me to be a better person is over-thinking. Overthinking is a bad friend. It always brings me down; deep into the black hole. It made me self-doubt, asking myself continuously if I am good enough or am I worthy to be in a position to do what I love. I keep convincing myself that everyone is an individual. We are different in our own ways. It is okay if you are not as good as the other or if you are different from what one is doing. The main question is are you happy with what you have & what you are doing now with your life?

If one isn't happy, why bother? Sometimes, we all need that little spark in ourselves. That spark which will brings out the fire in us! I had that spark in my life but it always seem to disappear after awhile & return back again. I still hold on to what I have but there are times I wish I was pushed to excel in what I set out to do! The only one who can help me is MYSELF. To fight & survive or to feel like I don't want to let this life go to waste, everyone should live to the fullest! Be it the good time/bad time, cherish what you have & learn from your regrets or mistakes!

Life isn't always about you only live once so you decide to do crazy stuff! It is about learning about yourself & people around you. Learning how to be you! You may not be loved by many. There will be haters but I guess this is life. No one is born to be loved by everyone they know. The only thing that matters is who will stay by your side till the end.

I am grateful for the people around me. I may not be the best friend or the best girlfriend or the best daughter. I am still learning to be accept myself. Of course, I want to make some changes. Let's do it one step at a time. Cheers to be a better person!

Soon, I felt like I am crumbling. And it is hard to think that I am fine when deep down inside, I miss him. 

I think I will be fine. 

When you start to date someone, you should notice their flaws & their imperfection. And shouldn't those imperfection makes her feel special and unique? I guess I don't know if I am right or wrong. After almost 1 year of being in love & being hurt & being crazy, I reached my limit. 

This is me. Being indecisive about what I want. Afraid of being fat again. Afraid of not being good enough. Afraid that I can't make him happy. Afraid to quarrel with him. I want to stop being afraid anymore. He is a good person, a nice man but our personality clashed. He wants girl who can listen to him, make decision fast & do what he wants her to do while I am a girl who is indecisive, flawed & want to do things that he don't want me to do. 

There is room for improvement on myself & of course, I will work hard towards it. I guess relationship isn't my thing. 1 year ago, I broke off with a guy who I was with for 2 years. Today, I broke off with a guy who I was with for nearly a year. I do not want to go through this. I just want to be happy. Love isn't my thing.

I just want to live in my world now because what I felt before was long gone. Your man that walked past you & never notice you, you start to feel real small in his eyes. We both did the best we can for this relationship but I guess we are just not compatible. 

For now, I just want to find myself.