What is there left to be afraid about?

Humans have scars. As for every scars, it lies a story. Well, I have many scars. Scars just left there, wounded. Bryan and I has this weird relationship. We laughed a lot but we shed tears a lot too. He can be rude at times. Bryan isn't the kind of guy that you seek comfort words to. He is the kind of guy that will reply you in a sarcastic manner, not being mean but just being himself. He wouldn't sugar coat me with words like I will love you forever or You are my only one. He will be telling you : you know the answer or doesn't my actions done enough. That is something about him that I do love.

As a girl, I do wish to hear those words but as I think deeper, those sentences are meaningless. It can be empty words, words of no interpretation of anything. It is just words to make one feel comfort and feel good about themselves which leads to them living in dilemma.

However, there is something I am trying to understand and grasp about Bryan. Every single time we meet, I will just spend every moment looking at him, talking to him, just have a great laugh at one another. I found myself in another world, in his bubble. I don't name it as ours because I didn't felt like it was ours. It was his bubble that I escaped into. His world. It was a lifestyle that I enjoyed. When we separate from each other physically, I was in my own bubble again. It felt kind of depressing being in my own bubble. I didn't hate my bubble. I just miss being in his.

As our weekdays are on the texting, quarrels tend to build up. Bryan loves to quarrel with me through texting. I never knew why so did he. He would quarrel with me and our life will be in a great big mess. I never like quarreling with him. I never did. It is painful, upsetting and lastly, depressing. Bryan never wanted to quarrel. He never had an intention to. It is just that both of us never seem to see eye to eye on certain manner. And also, he is the kind of guy that can be super crude with his words. He can say it bluntly to you, not knowing how much those words could hurt you.

When they said words can hurt, they mean it. I would say I was hurt by his words till I have nothing to be afraid about. I guess you would say this is " I am used to it " thing. Well, I am trying to handle those impacts of words that does to me but as times went by, I can tell that I am taking it quite alright. Beginning, I would make a big fuss and my friend would tell me that if a guy treated her that way, she will just walk away. I wasn't her and she wasn't me. It was hard for me to walk away. Leaving Bryan didn't seem right. There were times that I felt like but I knew it will be wrong to.

I don't know if I am doing it right or wrong. I just know even though Bryan can be are a real jerkass, he cares about the people he loves. He sincerely does. He isn't a teller, he shows it. You just got to catch the little details.