The Intern.

Office Space: Studio McGee: Before and After Studio Tranformation:

Dream to do something I love. Something I can do it in my own way. 

After watching The Intern with my boyfriend yesterday ( despite of the horrible haze of PSI 300 ), I felt motivated. Motivated to do something for myself, to go fore & work hard to do the things I love to do. I can never stop designing. I may not be the best in it or the greatest designer in the whole world but I want to continue this adrenaline in me. That passion. 

Some people make it big. Some people became very successful. Some people like me just work hard at the background, trying to make the best out of the things he/she does. I want to improve myself, to be better, to explore more! 

I never stop working towards that goal I have in mind. I am just slow, probably because I working full-time, balancing my life with friends, family & my boyfriend. I do want to make things work. I gave up a few things in life but I can't give up on this; my passion for designing. I just wish I have that strength to push myself further. Right now, I am one lazy ass bum. This dream. I will work hard for it. I will. I have to. That's the reason why I am alive. 

I am a Nobody. I never want to be a somebody. I just want to work hard for this goal I have. To be able to realize that dream, I am fully satisfied with my life! 

Strength

:

Warm cup of Hot Coco & My Favourite Book

Lately, I am feeling moody. It feels like every part of my will & strength is drained out from my day job. I never felt so weak. I can't seem to find the balance. The fact is I never did in the beginning. I am trying hard to cope with my job, my hobby, my lover, my friends & my family. It is crazy how my life can be in a crazy mess.

A mess that I don't hate. I just having a difficult time balancing them. I wish I can drop my day job and go fore on doing the things I love however, I can't do it now. Right now, I know I need the income. I need to save up. I need to explore more. I just feel that I keep staying on the same spot. I never seem to push myself harder.

I got to start working harder now. I can't give up. I am 21.

How to overcome the disappointment?

Just Good Design:

Work Harder and Win Big

I take it real hard when someone returns my item back. Well, Disappointment just hits me in the face. I understand if the buyer did not like the product. However, sometimes, I just get slightly disappointed.

Well, I asked myself how do I overcome this disappointment?

1. There is always room for improvement. Well, I am still new at this and due to my full-time job, I can't spend my days sewing or drafting. However, I will try to fork out time to do the things I love.

2. Mistakes are a way of learning. Of course, too many mistakes is no go. However, it is a way of making myself better. When comes to myself or the things I do, I do learn from my mistakes. Usually, I need to make a mistake to learn from it. I don't like it but I always tend to have a small mistake somehow, somewhere. Well, I am trying to get rid of that bad habit!

3. Practice, Practice, Practice! To be better and finish my product nicely, I always try to do a mock up first. To prevent any mistakes on actual product. I started to do it only recently because I find it useful. Therefore, I will buy cheap fabric like $1.50 per metre to just do mock-up. Sometimes, I will reuse the fabric.

4. Admit that the products I created was not up to standard. I don't know if people find it easy to admit their mistake but to me, I do. It takes me awhile to change my attitude on learning.

5. You cannot satisfy everyone. As a designer, I do understand beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. We can't please everyone completely. Sometimes, people don't like the things you do. I will do my best to fit everyone's views and opinions but I still want to put a part of me in the things I do.






My Time

Bathroom:

Have a Hot Shower Whilst Reading My Favourite Romance Book

Period is Period. I have never felt so frustrated/tired in my life. I just want to sleep all day long. I can even sleep in the shower while sitting on a stool. Too bad that I do not have the luxury of owning a bathtub. I do want to have a bathtub when I have my own house. I always dream to have a life with my husband ( hopefully my husband will be this guy I am seeing ) where there is no boundaries and life is easy and relax.

I seek for that luxury; that luxury of happiness, peace and love. Well, wealth is another matter. Right now, I seek for these 3. Because that is what I need in my life. I working towards that life but it will take awhile. Right now, I got to improve myself; my physical appearance, my attitude, my lifestyle. I need my ME time to improve myself. I've been so busy meeting people, hanging out with my brother to accompany him, spending time with my boyfriend because I miss him but I rarely had the time to take care of myself. Only during shower time. 

Other than that, I seek for my ME time. Not always but once in a while. To have the luxury to do my hair, do a mask, sleep in during a rainy weather and pamper myself with good breakfast and tea. I do have ME time once in a while for 2 hours. Usually, I just treat myself with good breakfast or good food that is cook by yours truly! 

Anyways, I miss my man dearly. 8 more days for that man to return to my side! 


Do it because You love it

:

The Warm Sun in the Morning.

I am reading up on how to be a successful entrepreneur and be a morning person. I always drag myself out of bed. It is really bad. I am totally opposite of a successful person. I have to start changing. Small steps at a time. I will try to because change is pretty hard when you living with your habit for the past 21 years!

Well, what will I do first or should I say where should I start? Many websites states successful person keeps a diary but I don't have a habit on writing a diary. Well, is blogging count as a diary? ( Maybe? ) I do feel like writing your thoughts when you had a long and tiring day is really good because you are sorting out of your emotions. 

I guess I will seek for a diary. I was looking for it for the past months but I never bought it because they are so pretty! Especially Kikki. I love their journal books and To-Do list! I might get/ design a To-Do list as they said being successful person will have a To-Do list with them, to allow them to check what needs to be done within a day or a week! 

Another thing to do is improving my attitude towards learning! I do take in people's advise but slower. It doesn't always work instantly. When come to criticism, I take a while to be understand and change. I was pretty stubborn and ignorant in the past. So that is one thing I really got to change!

I am starting to change my morning habit, taking time to prepare breakfast and reading articles. I am adjusting myself to that lifestyle but I am taking it really slow. I still make an effort to make good breakfast but ONLY THE WEEKENDS. I need to make it like 2-3 times a week. Got to work on that!

One step at a time.


Dream

Designspiration — Design Inspiration:

Let me dream. Dream as big as I want.

It is crazy how I have this big dream in my mind but I won't say it. Because if I do, it will always be a dream. I want to dream as big as I want, as crazy as I like. Just let me dream. I feel like it is not impossible for that dream of mine. In fact, I am working towards it. I won't say I am working hard and fast but I am moving towards that dream in tiny steps first.

I don't find it too big or crazy. It is something that I want to achieve in my life. Just by achieving this goal. I will feel that I lived my life to the fullest. Of course, to make this dream work, I really have to work hard in my game. Push myself even further. Everyday, I go to work with a heavy heart because maybe I am not doing what I truly love. I enjoy the job but I do not have much knowledge or stand afterall, I am the youngest full-timer here. 

I do want to make a point here at work but at the same time, I do not want to irritate the people around me. Work is hard! 

Well, at least I got people around that supports me and are here in my life! I am truly grateful for them especially my boyfriend!

What makes you sane?

Bare Utility - Bedroom Design Ideas & Pictures – Decorating Ideas (houseandgarden.co.uk):

A Day in Bed.

I wish I have a room like that. I have been crazy about interior designs. Not that I want to be a designer or anything, I just love the look of the house. How it is cleverly designed. I wish to live in this type of apartment. Will it ever come true?

Well, it is been quite a tough few months for me. Boyfriend scolding me mainly on what I do. Brother complaining to me how his life is falling apart. Older Colleague telling me on her life experiences or anything in particular. What really hit me hard the most was when my boyfriend told me what have I done for him?

It just hits me right in my face. Like a slap. What have I done for him? Maybe to him, I didn't do anything for him. But to me, I gave him my everything. I stop hanging out with my guy friends, I try to not meet my friends/family when he is out of camp, I try to do whatever I can for him. Am I trying not hard enough? Am I that bad as a girlfriend? Failing in many ways.

I can't see the future anymore.

Thinking Positive

Une maison style industriel dans le nord de Londres - PLANETE DECO a homes world:

Dream Big Or Go Home

Every morning, I drag myself out of bed. I literally whine in my mind every second and I just feel so negative. It is so bad. I don't like it. I am working 5.5 days a week, having a 9-6 pm job and it really stinks. I admire those people who can survive in this type of job for years. It just kills me to work everyday, the same timing and just eating the same breakfast food almost every single day. 

Suddenly when I get into the office, unknowingly, I feel so positive! Well, it just hits me that I need to be positive or else, my life will just go downhill. I had a weird thinking : Thinking that I can be my own boss and succeed in doing the thing I love. Crazy isn't it? At least, I have a goal to look forward too! I do want to keep improving myself. I want to learn new techniques on the things I love. I do support local arts especially jewelry making or interesting products.

Well, money has always been an issue. I am always having hard time to balance my finance. I am still learning. Splurging on myself always felt wrong because I always tell myself I have this or have that. Got to learn to balance my finance well. 

Just got to continue working, earn money and get inspired. I just want to dream big. Small town girl got a big dream. 

All you ever wanted.

Well, I never expect myself to fall in love with someone like him who is totally the opposite from the person I had in mind. How funny it seems that he fits me perfectly. The way he is can make me so pissed off and he doesn't know why.

I guess I am having hard time to adapt to it because I never met someone like him. Maybe I did but it feels different I guess? I don't know what I really want from him. I guess respect. I want to be respect sometimes.

I feel that I am degraded when he talks to me. He thinks I am stupid. Not once he thinks proudly of me. Nothing that I know of. He never really tell me. The person I love never really said to me that he is proud of me. He did before on Instagram. It made me happy knowing that someone I love supports me and is happy for me. To be honest, it was a damn great feeling.

Now, he isn't happy for me. Basically, he hates me working at the job, hates me that I am losing money and yet I am still working on it. He just hates to see me suffer. I know he cares. I think I know. I am not a mind reader. I can't understand how he works. I never did and never will.

Because he is an only child. His thinking is pretty stubborn. He only listens to people like his friends or cousins. When comes to me, I doubt he listens to me. Pretty much, my solution/advise is quite useless to his ears. Maybe I am useless with advise. I got to agree on that. I can't give any good advise or thinking. However, I should stop degrading myself. Just because he feels that I am quite dumb with my decision, I started to give in and think to myself that I am quite dumb and useless.

I should stop thinking that way. Just because I am not the cleverest kid in his eyes, doesn't mean it allows me to look down on myself. I should not and will not look down on myself. That is not me. I am Jolin. A girl who have been through shits and been treated like shits for so long and I shouldn't let it continue. I am not supposed to let someone beat me down and bring me up and beat me down again. I should fight for who I am. I love him and I will always do. Just that sometimes, I want to think for myself.

I did whatever I can for him. I gave him everything. I love him and only him. No matter what he do, I know he do it to protect me or help me.